


My Baby is Better Than Your Baby

by Carerra_os



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe
Genre: Crack, Darcy/Loki Friendship, I dunno where this came from, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-05
Updated: 2012-06-05
Packaged: 2017-11-06 22:04:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/423769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carerra_os/pseuds/Carerra_os
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Done for a prompt on avengerkink ‘With the exciting news that Chris Hemsworth is having a baby in the spring, as well as RDJ, let's have some Iron Man and Thor facing off in a "my super honor student baby can kick your super honor student baby's ass" contest. (And then Loki's on the side playing with the babies going, "psshh, they both like me better anyways.")<br/>Natural or mpreg or adoption or lab experiment are all okay with me. I *prefer* Thor/Loki for the Thor/other pairing, but as long as they are on good enough terms for him to be Awesome Uncle Loki it's fine.’</p>
<p>This focuses more on the pregnant daddies but whatever, Thor and Tony arguing in a restaurant while their pregnant partners eat pudding. Darcy and Loki are there as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Baby is Better Than Your Baby

My Baby is Better Than Your Baby

Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing

A/N: I don’t normally to Crack but that’s just what this turned into. 

My Baby is Better Than Your Baby

“Loki can you please get them to shut up?” Clint asked eye twitching and lips pursed as he watched Thor and Tony arguing well above a polite volume at the table next to them. Thor and Tony had started at the table Clint, Loki, and Steve were seated at but had been banished by their significant others to a separate table all their own. 

“Maybe we should just leave.” Steve suggests pink in the face and looking around the restaurant nervously. 

“We are not leaving, I haven’t gotten my pudding.” Clint said angrily sending a glare to their waiter who was not doing his job but watching Thor and Tony argue with the rest of the restaurant. 

“We can get it to go.” Steve suggested hopefully, he wanted nothing more than to slouch down further in his seat but his large swollen belly prevented that from happening. 

“No.” Clint hissed out picking up a fork and throwing it so that it landed mere centimeters from the waiters face. The mousy man turned wide eyed to stare at him unbelieving that a knife had just been thrown at him. If Clint wasn’t six and half months pregnant only three weeks behind Steve he’d have been up and a crossed the room making sure he got his damn pudding.

“Calm down, look pudding.” Loki said with amusement magicing a large bowl of pudding for all of them. 

“Why didn’t you do that sooner?” Clint asked pouting, but the pout didn’t last as he grinned and dug into the pudding moaning appreciatively around a mouthful.

“It’s just so enjoyable watching you terrorize the wait staff.” Loki told him smirking.

“Are you going to break them up now?” Steve asked far less worried about the people staring now that he had pudding to distract him and the kicking baby. Clint made a mumble noise of agreement that he’d like that to happen but didn’t want to pull away from his pudding. 

“In a minute.” Loki said watching them eat as he dipped some for himself. 

“The babies haven’t even been born yet, they’re ridiculous.” Darcy said sitting down at the table and helping herself to some pudding.

“How did you know we were here?” Clint asks around a mouth full of puffing, rolling his eyes and brushing Steve’s hand away at the man tried to close his mouth for him.

“Dude this is all over the twiterspher.” Darcy told him eyes glued to the scene of Thor and Tony now standing only a table between them. “Clint are you having twins?” She asked pulling her eyes away from the scene to focus on him.

“What?” Clint splutters at the question. “Where did you hear that?” The archer asks eyeing her suspiciously.

“Twiterspher.” She tells him with a grin holding up her phone so that he could see her twitter page. “Inquiring minds want to know, is my very own Hawkeye having twins for his God of Thunder.” She asked smiling at him sweetly.

“Don’t let my brother hear you calling Clint yours he might challenge you to a duel.” Loki said laughing as Clint flushed and let his head fall against the table. Fury had referred to Clint as his archer once and Thor had in fact challenged him to a duel. It had taken him three hours to get Thor to agree to not duel the director, his jaw had been very sour but he’d been rewarded for his efforts with lots of pudding. 

“Tony is just as bad.” Clint said cutting off Steve’s snickering. Steve had gone to a gala with Tony once and only once, he refused to ever go to one again. No one was sure on the details but by the end of the night Tony was in his Ironman suit threatening several of the guests with harm to some unfortunate places. Steve hadn’t been able to talk him down just stood watching opened mouth, because really trying to stop Tony’s tantrums was like trying to stop the earth spinning.

“You’re avoiding the question.” Darcy chirped at Clint before quickly turning away and back towards the demi god and billionaire as food started flying.

“LOKI!” Both Steve and Clint yelled in unison. Loki laughed loudly but stood up and proceeded towards the tow arguing men.

“Your baby will bow before the almighty power that will be my babies!” Thor yelled poking Tony in the chest with a breadstick that cracked and splintered before half of it was crumbs on the table.

“My Baby will build a device that will make your offspring obsolete.” Tony countered not bothering with food at this point instead just using a hand to push at Thor’s chest. 

“Gentleman, not that this show of fatherly pride isn’t spectacular but I do believe your very pregnant partners are more than ready to leave the show. You can figure out who’s got the better off spring once they’re born.” Loki told them smiling. “And Stark my niece and nephew will wipe the floor with your son.” Loki said grinning, he could hear Darcy squeal in the background at the affirmation that Clint was in deed pregnant with twins. He’d done that on purpose, Darcy was queen of the fan girls after all and he liked being in her good graces, he threw in the sexes for fun.

“My son-“ Tony started only to be cut off by Steve who along with Clint and Darcy had come over to prevent any more fighting. Well Steve and Clint had come over to stop it, Darcy just wanted to be closer to the action.

“I want to go home I’m tired and you two are embarrassing.” Steve told him glaring hands cradled over his protruding belly protectively. 

“I think you two are fantastic, tell us more about who’s baby is superior.” Darcy said holding her phone up recoding them.

“Darcy.” Clint groaned rolling his eyes. “Thor lets go home.” The short haired blonde said choosing to ignore Darcy as his best course of action. He wobbled a little with all the excess weight he was carrying, but Thor immediately had a hand on him, steadying him.

“But I have not proven out babies’ superiority.” Thor said looking stricken at the thought their children not being proven the superior specimen right then and there despite their womb location.

“I’m horny and I want to go home now.” Clint told him with a smirk. 

“We shall continue this latter my friend.” Thor announced grinning as he clapped Tony on the shoulder far harder than necessary before scooping Clint into his arms and exiting the restaurant. 

“I don’t supposed you’re horny and ready to be taken home?” Tony asked leering at Steve.

“Don’t even think about it, we’re going home and I’m going to bed, you can sleep on the couch.” Steve told him, he meant it really he did but they both knew he wouldn’t hold to it. Tony still looked like a kicked puppy as he fallowed Steve from the restaurant to the echoes of Loki and Darcy’s laughter.

“Oh! Maria, Natasha and Fury are at a nearby club doing indecent stuff, wana check it out?” Darcy asked as she checked her phone turning to look up at the trickster. 

Loki looked thoughtful turning the thoughtful over in his head. “Get your camera ready.” The demi-god said grinning as they linked arms and left the restaurant. The entire restaurant just continued to stare still in shock. 

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A/N; So this is so not my normal type of fill, but I’ve been trying my hand at different stuff so let me know what you think.


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